The Intimacy Bond

 The Intimacy Bond-A Soul Connection

Sharing your most intimate feelings is the key to an intimacy bond, a true soulful connection.

How you speak to one another has much more to do with the success or failure of your relationship than you may realize.  It is the soft spoken words of love in tender moments, the voiced appreciation for acts of kindness and generosity, the unasked for expression of forgiveness and understanding at the crucial moment in the heat of an argument that are remembered by the heart. And it is these fond memories that have the capacity to repeatedly and continually restore the relationship when it finds itself under siege.

When we allow those closest to us to penetrate the inner most depths of our truest feelings and emotions, we let them break through our layers of protective defense mechanisms. We may feel stripped bare in the process since we have been using these pretenses throughout our lives to protect the very heart of us, but it is our heart that our loved ones most want to understand. If the people who love us understand the motivations of our hearts, they will understand our behaviors.

The gradual discarding of our facades allows us to stand in the each other’s presence with the secrets of our hearts at last revealed.

Intimacy is attained through intimate sharings of our deep-seated needs and most private thoughts spoken in intimate language that reveals who we really are.  When you express your feelings about life and yourself, instead of your attitudes and ideas about it, it draws you closer to the one you are talking to.

Through personal communication using “I” statements, the listening partner has the opportunity to identify with your feelings as their own.  A person may agree with your judgments and opinions about life but that agreement will never provide the basis for an intimate, knowing, caring relationship. It is when you reveal the emotional basis of your personality to another that they relate to it on an emotional level of their own which brings about a spontaneous union of hearts and souls. 

When we communicate heart to heart with words conveying our truest feelings, we touch the deepest part of each other and that sacred moment of sharing is not forgotten. The aloneness we felt before the uniting of our heart centers dissolves once and for all in such connected sharing of secret longings and needs.

Using the personal language of feelings allies us with our own hidden dreams and desires as well.  And it is only when we know ourselves on this most real level, that we are able to share ourselves in an intimate way with another.  Many people have never reached deep down inside to discover who they are, who they want to be, and what they want, enough to know themselves to the extent they could reveal this concealed self to a partner. You can’t share something you’re not in touch with yourself. Keeping your own heart open to communication with your higher self, the essential you, gives you the words to use when the time comes to share yourself with your beloved.

Expressing your feelings of shame, doubt, fear, and hurt clearly and plainly, as well as your feelings of joy, happiness, and success, makes you more real in the eyes of your mate and draws them into the interior operations of your mind where understanding takes place. It is through the sharing of memories, feelings, and beliefs that we truly connect with the other, and in this truth telling, the healing work can begin with the unconditional support of our loved ones.  This sharing also affords our partner the opportunity to show compassion, understanding and empathy and thus affords them the experience of growth in grace and their own good feelings about themselves as supportive loving human beings. When we are too self sacrificing or too locked up to let our need for comfort and understanding come through in a relationship, we actually deny our loved ones the opportunity to be of service to us, to care for us, and nurture us which is an important part of a relationship.

When we trust the other enough to share our secret hopes and dreams, a door is opened to the truth of our being into which our partner can enter in and work the magic of love, acceptance, and appreciation.  Revealing our most challenging personality traits and defense mechanisms with another often brings clarity to the underlying false beliefs that are our consciousness holds as valid. With recognition, we can release and let go of the underpinnings of these negative beliefs and let our authentic, glorious self, the self before the programming, shine through for us and our partner to enjoy and bask in.

The mutual sharing and trust of an intimate relationship is the most healing environment to do our personal work in. We learn everything we need to know about human interactions and about ourselves within the bounds of relationships of all kinds. It is through interpersonal relationships that we often discover our real selves, our motivations, our inclinations, and the fulfillment of our dreams. And it is the intensely personal, sensitive intimate dialog of feelings and emotions that establishes and maintains these interpersonal relationships.

It is only through a willingness to speak trustingly to another that true inner connectedness and bonding will take place.  As long as you distance the realness that is you from your partner by refusing to risk the vulnerability of honest intimate conversation, you are continuing to create walls of separation instead of building bridges of togetherness.

 Life Is What You Make It, What You Make It…Is What You Are….and You Are What You Believe You Are, And You Can Change That Belief Anytime. © 1998, Adele Tartaglia







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