How to Make Friends Not Enemies

How To Make Friends Instead Of Enemies

I’m not a big believer in enemies, even as expressed in religious terms.  Even in what appears to be the worst of times of your life, when someone is persecuting you, if you understand on a core level of beingness, who they are and why they might be choosing to behave this way, you will not consider them an enemy. You will pray for them to see the error of their ways and realize they are hurting themselves as much, if not more, than you. It is still possible after long term trauma which is legally impossible to escape from, such as a law suit, for you to have compassion when what is perceived by your loved ones as your enemy, gets into trouble. This is the nobility of the human spirit abiding in grace. I guarantee you they will teach you everything you have postponed learning about yourself, your strengths, your weaknesses, and your fears. When you get the lesson your higher self was trying to have your soul evolve to, you will rise out of situation like a Phoenix to share those valuable lessons with others creating havoc and suffering in their lives.

Relationships, if we will let them, if we nurture them, if we appreciate their place of importance in our lives, will ignoble our spirits, teach us harmonious living skills and respect for others as well as ourselves as we rise to the occasion of maintaining them in a equitable, trusting, compassionate, and intelligent way. 

With a little belief in our higher nature, our super consciousness, we can work with our own issues so we no longer feel threatened or triggered by other’s comments or actions.

We can learn to respond to life with deliberation instead of reacting to it without thought from a defensive position.

We can commit to conscious communication so we only say things we mean and are willing to follow through with. This ends threats and angry outbursts that are hurtful, never intended to be acted on, and are regretted later. 

With practice we can form the habit of always taking the higher road. With wisdom born of years of experience, we finally realize the only way that life  works is to find a mutually beneficial solution that is in the best interest of everyone involved not just ourselves.

To win a battle by getting our way, proving our point, or making ourselves right, but loose the game of life by being alone and unloved will never be worth the price. Man is a social animal and no matter how much he pretends to himself that he is self sufficient and needs no one, eventually his heart convinces him of the truth and he has to admit that he is simply lonely for human companionship. 

The lift in our spirits when we interact with others is enough of a signal for us to change our ways, stop isolating, self medicating, and insisting we are right and everyone else is wrong, weak or stupid. It’s all done with mirrors you know.

So here are some rules to create friends instead of perceived enemies,
or turn enemies, if you believe in that concept, into friends.

1-       Learn how to practice Active listening, acknowledging the message being conveyed in the words and the emotions of the speaker.

2-       Take time to get to know people and listen to their opinions with an open mind. You just might learn something.

3-       Develop genuine interest in other people’s lives, work, and families.  We’re all here to teach each other and share the nuggets of wisdom we have discovered.

4-       Choose empathy for the other person’s needs and desires instead of manipulating them into satisfying our own needs and desires.

5-       Handle trust issues so you don’t get triggered into defending your own ego leaving the other person’s needs behind completely.

6-       Appreciate and acknowledge other people’s talents, skills, successes, and positive personality traits with honest compliments. Everyone, without exception, wants to be noticed and acknowledged.

7-       Treat people with respect and consideration for their feelings instead of running right over them without noticing the effect of your words and actions.

8-       Take responsibility for your thoughts, words, and actions.

9-       Own up to your mistakes quickly and with expressed regret. People will readily forgive someone who realizes they were in the wrong and says they are sorry.

10-     Remember there are two sides to every situation and a third that is somewhere in the middle of both positions. The middle position is usually the correct one. Rather than accuse, demean, or intimidate, ask in a respectful way if the other person can appreciate your position. Then offer to do the same and see if there isn’t some middle ground for a meeting of the minds.

11-      Realize it is ok to acknowledge your negative feelings if you do it in a non- blaming, non-judgmental way.  Replacing “You” with “I” allows you to express your frustration without sparking conflict and defense mechanisms. “I’m confused about exactly what it is that you’re trying to say….help me to understand what you want…we’re probably closer than we realize…”

12-     Keep the conversation moving by frankly stating your position in a non-threatening way and giving them an opportunity to do the same.

13-     Don’t criticize or pass judgment on others. Telling another person they are wrong or stupid shuts down communication and causes a breach in respect and trust that may take a long time to heal.

14-     An ounce of tact saves years of resentment. There is always a more diplomatic way to phrase things, to get your idea out there. Test the water before you rush to judgment by asking for clarification. We often realize too late that we have completely misjudged someone or some situation once we have heard the whole story.

15-     Be considerate enough to ask others how they feel about the situation and then take that into consideration before you speak again. You may be misreading their signals. We all have selective seeing, selective hearing and filters through which we interpret external data.

16-     Don’t offer opinions or advice unless it is asked for. This is one that will change the quality of every relationship in our lives if we can just remember it and repeat it often enough for it to become hard wired.
17-     If you have co-dependency issues seek therapy and learn tools to remove this identity from your repertoire of identities.

18-     Ordering people around instead of requesting things puts them in an inferior position which causes resentment and lack of cooperation.

19-     Don’t talk about other people. You have no idea how close the person you are telling tales to, is to the person you are talking about. It makes them wonder if you talk the same way about them when they are not present.  And it’s just bad form to develop the habit of gossiping. If you feel your ego needs a boost at the expense of someone else’s, figure out what your personal beliefs about yourself are that make you so insecure and delete them.

While you are working on developing these new habits, remember there are short cuts to breaking old habits and installing new behavior patterns. The very issues you are facing that underlie and support the unhealthy devices you are trying to discontinue, are grist for the mill of taking control of unconscious programming.

The truth is, we need each other is everyway. We all need the warmth of a human touch, the intimacy of interpersonal relationships, and the support only friends and loved ones can give us. None of us sees ourselves accurately in respect to all aspects of our demeanor and personality; we’re too vested in wanting to believe people like us. It is our friends that let us know when we need to rethink some behavior or attitude. None of us succeed in business or can make a difference in the world by ourselves.

Life is a collective effort where all are needed. It’s about realizing we’re all in this together, we’re all part of the same family of man, and we all have the same goals for ourselves and our families. So we might as well pull together and learn to interact with each other lovingly, respectfully, honorably, and effectively. The quality of your life will never be the same once you learn and implement these simple rules for human interaction.

Transform Your Life Instantly: Mental Erasers Make Your Mind Work for You Instead of Against You © 2005,  Adele Tartaglia




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