GROUND RULES FOR MAINTAINING
EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIPS

Unity based marriage intimacy rules for sharing inductive to spiritual and personal growth of both partners

Purpose of Rules:

The purpose of the ground rules is to create a safe and healthy environment for the group.  It is important that the group review these ground rules and that there is consensus before setting marriage goals and directions.

1. Confidentiality: Everything shared is confidential. What is said to the partner stays with them only. Sharing of personal conversations and confidentialitys does not work for either partner or the good health of the marriage.  Telling another person’s secrets feels like betrayal to the other spouse.

2. Compassion:  Partners relate to each other with unconditional, compassionate acceptance of each other as human beings. Judgmental comments, unspoken thoughts and judgements threaten the relationship.  Read the Compassion Exercise.

3. Truth and Integrity:  Partners should be encouraged and supported by each other to honestly and authentically be who they are. Speaking the truth involves risk and can only occur safely in a compassionate environment where the listener acts with integrity.  Partners agree not to throw their partners events and feelings and  personality traits back in the face of their partner but rather to treat such confidences about past events with understanding and

4. Respect:  Partners must show respect for each other stand the group by not interrupting each other, arriving on time for routine events in the home such as  meals, and appointments outside the home, and not monopolizing the conversations.

5. Conflict:  Whenever people come together and speak truthfully about their feelings, desires, and needs, the potential for misunderstanding, hurt feelings, and conflict exists.  If such a situation arises, the partners agree to address it within their own relationship on a one on one with each other and not take it to friends for their advice.  Only you know your marriage and only the two of you can solve your own problems and make the appropriate adjustments.  Advice from friends, [not a therapist] can complicate a marital situation which might otherwise have been resolved easily by the partners.  Unresolved conflict is toxic to the relationship and not just to each of the partners.

6. Participation:  Partners agree to participate in discussions and activities together maintaining g a good an fair balance of requests for the needs and desires of the partner. Each partner has the right to ask that a topic or outing be postponed to a more convenient or appropriate time.

7. Each partner agrees to be a friend as well as partner and support their partner in processing their issues in a loving, respectful, and supportive manner without the use of criticism, judgements, fault finding and blame assignment.

8. Each partner agrees to use good listening techniques and good communication skills. Cursing, disapproving, put downs, criticisms, judgements and labels your partner or his actions just further complicates matters, show a lack of understanding and care for the partner, and makes the partners efforts to heal whatever issue he is working on more difficult for him.

9. Partners agree to treat each other as adults with minds, opinions, beliefs, and human foibles of their own with fixing, saving, or correcting them and treating  them like children or lesser competent adults.